you might be a prepper if

You Might Be A Prepper If…

… your buddy who’s in the police calls you up every time he has a question about firearms.

… you secretly want SHTF to prove everyone you were right. 🙂

… you get ammo for Christmas.

… you panic more when you realize you left home without your folding knife than when you forget your phone.

… you immediately notice all the exits in every mall and supermarket you walk into.

… the keys S, H, T and F are worn off on your laptop’s keyboard.

… you feel hungry whenever you walk in the park and see dandelions and clovers.

you have food that’s older than your kid.

… you own the SAS Survival Handbook.

… you see your buddy’s new hybrid and secretly think he’s an idiot because there’s no way he can bug out in that.

… you deny your 5-year old daughter a pink dress because it’s not “grey“.

…you have more tampons than all your neighbors combined, but everyone’s in your house is a senior citizen.

… you instinctively look left and right at every intersection and wonder where all those roads would take you.

… you buy tobacco even though you don’t smoke.

… you look at every animal imagining how you’d catch it and what it tastes like.

your bug out location is also the place you spend your vacation time.

… you put your bed on stilts so you can fit more preps under it.

… you save the bubble wrap every time you unpack something.

… you look at people who eat out every day and say to yourself: “Don’t worry, my time will come.”

… you have gallons and gallons of whiskey but you never drink it, waiting to barter with it.

… you need an extra job to pay for your preps.

… you offer to cut dead branches from your neighbors’ trees so you can stockpile the wood.

… you go to a laundromat and ask for their dryer lint.

… you buy duct tape every time you go to the hardware store even though you have plenty.

… you always sit next to the closest exit at a wedding.

… you bring home more stuff from the dump than you had when you got there.

… you see a rusty nail on the side of the road and you stop to pick it up.

… you buy alcohol and tobacco instead of food so you can one day trade it for food.

… you named your survival knife.

… you realize you have more toilet paper in your home than your local minimarket.

… you always have a Bic lighter on you even though you’re a non-smoker.

… you keep your gun next to the bath tub when you’re taking a bath.

… you gave your number away to every wrecking company so they call you whenever someone hits a deer.

… when there’s a strong storm or blizzard coming your way, you get excited.

… you store toothpicks in empty pill bottles.

… when you notice a bucket full of dirt, all you see is a potty.

… you’re working your ass off in the gym, yet you really don’t care what you look like.

… you feel uncomfortable wearing clothes with very few pockets.

… you get a weapon for your birthday and you return the favor.

… you’ve visited every restaurant and deli within a 5 mile radius and asked if they can give you their food-grade buckets.

… you’re thinking about divorcing your spouse because he or she doesn’t want to prepare.

… you’re only looking to date other preppers.

… your favorite hobby is cleaning your gun.

… you already marked the trees you’re gonna cut down when a natural disaster hits because they might block your way out.

… you own more rounds than dollars.

… when you have a fishing rod and hooks even though you don’t fish.

… you have a bag full of condiments discreetly taken from all the places you’ve eaten at.

… you buy tea in 1 pound bags.

… you used Google Earth to find all the ponds and swimming pools in your town or city, printed the results, marked them all with Xes and have already figured out the shortest route to each of them.

… you find out the power was out in your area for 3 days and your routine never changed.

… you’ve run out of storage space so you begin to get rid of your furniture so you can store more inside.

… you buy stuff just to take it apart and use the components.

… you started growing tobacco.

…everyone comes to you when they have a small injury because they know that you’ll know what to do.

… if you have a cookbook all about spam.

… you refuse to walk into a mall full of people because you’re afraid of a terrorist attack.

… people assume you’re in the military from the way you dress.

… you are jealous that homeless people are more off grid than you.

… you instincitively reach out for your gun whenever you wake up from a nightmare.

… your favorite pair of underwear is camo.

… you vacuum seal cotton balls to save space.

… you think you’ll really start living when SHTF.

… every square foot of your lawn is used to grow edibles.

… you’re more excited about opening a 10 year old can of spam than a 10 year old bottle of wine.

… your toilet paper smells like pickles.

… you met your spouse at a gun show.

… you spent 200 bucks just to reduce the weight of your bug out bag by 2 ounces.

… you avoid shooting the house when making videos with your family outside.

… you’re using DuckDuckGo instead of Google to read about prepping and survival.

… your kids can’t hide under the bed when playing hide’n’seek because of all the cans.

… you’re thinking of selling your house and buying a boat to serve as your new home and double as a mobile BOV.

… your gun safe is closer to your bed than your alarm clock.

… your dog has a bug out bag and wears it every time you walk him.

… your friends are trying to get you on reality shows that have to do with prepping, survival and hoarding.

… you feel relieved when all the snow piles up on and around your house because you see it as a back-up water source.

… your dog thinks the UPS guy is part of the family.

… your hiking boots are twice as expensive as your regular shoes.

… you think three times before throwing anything away.

… you consider what pet to get based on skill-set.

… you don’t allow your kids to have overnight guests unless they bring their own bug out bags.

… you wait until everyone leaves the room before you open the boxes from Amazon full of food preps.

… your pantry is bigger than your bedroom.

… you say to yourself: “Hey, what if I’ll need this later?” before throwing anything out.

… you consider which pet to buy by flavor.

… you have plans B, C, D, and E for everything.

… you have more pet food than other people have for themselves.

… your balcony is so full of plants in vertical containers you barely have room to get inside.

… part of your vehicle maintenance is checking the potable water levels.

… you check every penny you find or get to see if it’s made before 1982.

… you call all your neighbors for poker night to secretly figure out who’s a prepper and who isn’t.

… your neighbors thank you for lowering the crime rate in your neighborhood.

… your body armor is in a drawer higher than the one that holds your socks.

… every plant in your home is edible.

… your Christmas socks are waterproof.

… your back-ups have back-ups which also have back-ups.

… you name your dog MRE.

… your kid wants a pet chicken so you get 15 of them.

… you’re anxious that it rains because you don’t have means of collecting that water.

… you walk into a friend’s house and wonder how long they would last if they had to bug in.

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About Dan F. Sullivan

My dad was military. My grandfather was a cop. They served their country well. But I don't like taking orders. I'm taking matters into my own hands so I'm not just preparing, I'm going to a friggin' war to provide you the best of the best survival and preparedness content out there.

One comment

  1. You get every one of these jokes! Oh no!

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